Archive for January, 2014

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Except it just doesn’t work that way.

Part of life is death, the inevitable, no one has made it out alive. Humans believe there are certain orders of dying…. grandma, mom, kids – in age order, grand kids and so on and so forth.

Except it just doesn’t work that way.

My brother Paul died when I was 12.  45 years ago.  When I was at the cabin last year I found a box – Paul’s belongings. Medals from the Marines, certificates of achievement, a few small trinkets and pictures. It was emotional to find that box, I enjoyed looking through it and thinking of my brother. Melancholy would be the right word mixed in with a small twinge of sadness for a life not yet completely lived, he was 19.

My sister, Arleen, died on December 1, 2013. Her husband, Aldo, died November 13, 2013.

Yesterday, I picked up my sister Janet at PDX and we drove to Arleen and Aldo’s house. We were meeting with an estate sales company and hoping to get out of there. Except it just doesn’t work that way. We still had to go through the house, do an inventory, ship their daughter’s room to her new home. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. Going through two lives not completely lived, and another life, forever changed.

I dropped off Janet at the airport around 4:00 for her flight home. I drove straight back to the coast, well, almost straight back, I did stop at Dairy Queen and got a medium chocolate shake with whipped cream. The minute I got home, I got into bed and slept 4 hours.

This has been one of the most moving experiences of my life, a roller coaster of emotions, a walk through a life you did not live, you expect it to be a list of tasks, except it just doesn’t work that way.



Living the life you choose

It is amazing how many people live day to day, unhappy, unfulfilled, wishing their life was different. As we once again enter a new year it is time for renewal, to take the steps to make the changes to live a life fulfilled.

It took a nasty divorce, losing everything, a year of wandering to find my perfect life. 2013 ended totally screwed, I lost my beloved brother-in-law and sister within 3 short weeks of each other. Still, I live a life of my own choosing, volunteering as an Oregon Park Host and working as a Direct Support Professional for developmentally disabled folks. I changed my life from the pursuit of the almighty dollar to pursuit of making other peoples lives better. And I am fulfilled.

My heart, although broken with the losses, is still full. I know time will heal. I drove to Ecola State Park on Christmas Day – a place that fills my soul, stood at the edge of the cliff and gave thanks to the universe for my joy.

In this age of television, telling us what we need, blaring at us what we should look like, demanding that we spend our dollars to stave off aging, it is understandable why so many people feel less than their true worth.

I have been so greatly blessed to enjoy a body that works, a quick mind, a roof, a bed, food….. things that so many on earth do not have…. I am going to start the new year giving thanks for what I have, changing the things that suck and enjoying each day…… Happy New Year!

CathyCathyEdgar at Ecola